Monday, October 17, 2011

Falling Asleep in My Makeup? Guilty as Charged.

Am I the only one getting bored with the health, beauty, and fitness advice celebrities have to share? Drink lots of water? Whoa – never heard that before! Steamed salmon and veggies for lunch, then a salad with grilled chicken for dinner? Great – and then what? A bag of Oreos and a tub of spinach dip? Wait! You hike with your dogs and do pilates? Stop the presses!
It's not so much that I'm bothered by the fact that these statements seem tired and somewhat disingenuous. What about airbrushing? Photoshop? Plastic surgery? Good old fashioned starvation diets? It's more that I don't understand why these folks can't come up with something a bit more snappy to credit for their glowing good looks and preternaturally smooth skin? In fact, I'm kind of surprised more celebrities don't throw crazy advice out there to mess with us or just to see if we're paying attention? At least Katy Perry is honest about the fact that she ordered a special dentist's chair to nap in while she has her makeup done and Fabio once claimed to wash his hair with a bar of soap.
But no piece of advice seems to pop up more in interviews than the cardinal rule of celebrity skincare: never go to sleep without washing off your makeup. Apparently no matter how tired, or drunk, or done up you are in Tinseltown, nothing will bloat your pores and wither your looks like overnight exposure to cosmetics.
In theory, this beauty "secret" should probably please me. After all, the fact that I rarely manage to put makeup on anymore renders it largely unnecessary to worry about taking it off. And yet, my skin still looks sallow and unhealthy, leading me to suspect that in my particular case it is appropriate to substitute "bits of dried yogurt and that strange dazed expression of despair and defeat that I apply fresh each morning" for "makeup." 
The thing is, I so rarely manage to spend time in this mythical state some call "sleep," that if I were somehow to accidentally stumble into that magical place known as "bed," and through some minor miracle, I also just happened to be wearing makeup, the last thing on my mind would be exfoliation. I've fallen asleep in my clothes, contacts, and the middle of a sentence. I'm more worried about falling asleep in my car, or in line at the grocery store than in my makeup.
I get it, I get it. It's important to take good care of your skin. And as far as advice goes, this particular pieces is probably pretty innocuous. But if someone could just get me a quote on that dentist's chair, or find out what brand of bar soap Fabio used, I'm pretty sure I'll be looking better in no time.

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